Aftershakes

I thought my daze-like state would go away after a shower. It didn’t. I got dressed in nice clothes even though I was going food shopping, but I got meticulous in what I was wearing, like my mind was on autopilot.

Then, I started cleaning my room. I organized everything. Okay, I thought, this makes sense. Dad’s coming some time this week. Can’t have a messy room when he gets here.

I walked extremely slow to Safeway. I was out of it. Everything seemed more vivid yet hallucinative, like a dream [cliché, I know]. The organizing got worse in the store. First I had to find the right basket, which I uh, never do because it’s a fucking basket, and then I walked around—almost bumping into several shoppers and employees—and all I did was stay clam and let my body run on its own. My brain was like “enough”, I guess.

While I shopped I was again meticulous. I followed my list closely instead of grabbing objects that weren’t on their [but always forgetting that damn butter and eggs], and then I organized them in the basket.

I will repeat that; I organized eleven items of food, in a basket I had to make sure was perfect, while walking around in a dream-like state. When I was finally in line, I put my basket away. As I did so, I organized a whole pile of lop-sided baskets. Maybe I would’ve done that anyway, but that action just adds to this mountain of weirdness.

I came home and, once more, made sure everything was tidy in my refrigerator. My hands keep shaking and I’m light-headed. You have no idea how hard it’s been to type this, so many grammar and spelling mistakes I wouldn’t normally make.

Defeat, that’s what I feel [amongst a load of other emotions]. I’m extremely tired and drained. Now I need to e-mail my teachers and let them know what’s going on, but this is ridiculous.

I really hope my Dad flies up soon.

Life sucks at the moment. BAWW.

What I learned: I can clean and organize things.